I have a propensity to run with an idea before giving it time to take root. The late Dan Dehan once told a group of us that “truth is never yours until the truth is you” or i.e. until our heart is truly transformed by truth it is at best merely a good opinion.
I love to teach and share what I am learning. Whether that is from a genuine desire to help others or merely my ego seeking approval and praise I do not know I simply know that it is me. As with all who teach I run into the danger of being deceived that simply knowing about something and communicating it well means I possess the truth I teach. Not so.
So I ask myself and the Lord what truth has been shown me that I have taught and yet given the least attention to in my own life? The response in my heart was quick, clear and gentle; the meaning and purpose of life comes down to one word, relationships, first with God and then with others.
In the movie “The Family Man” Nicolas Cage is an unfaithful, ungrateful husband that is given a second chance at life. In one very poignant scene his wife played by Tea Leoni tells him of all the things she could have done in life, all the success, power, and comfort, etc that she could have had but as she says “ I chose us”. She “sacrificed” all of that in favor of the relationship.
I am sure I will have more to say on this later hopefully as a result of living it out.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Thursday At The Beach
As many of you know my mother passed away only a couple of weeks ago. The transition is difficult. Having counseled and comforted others through such times I find myself in a “physician heal thyself” situation.
As He always does, God has comforted me. Through the encouragement and prayers of family and friends He has showed up.
At the funeral it struck me that there was someone from every season of mine life and my mother’s life were present in that room. People that she and I both count as most dear together at one time in one place. Some whom I had not seen in awhile, together now to show their love for my mom our family.
I find I am very reflective and introspective. I am 54 years old. I look behind and before me. I long to finish well. I long to love as I am loved. I think I have wasted enough time on my agendas.
My wife has this illustration she calls a week at the beach. She says that sometimes our lives are like a week at the beach. Monday is full excitement and fun. Hope fills us; we have a whole week at the beach. We unpack, settle in, go to the beach, and survey the shops and restaurants.
Tuesday we explore, play in the water go shopping, take in the scenery. We mark out the things we want to do before we leave. Oh this is heaven.
Wednesday is much like Tuesday but now we can revisit the things we missed on Monday and Tuesday. Take our time and linger. We return to those shops that most impressed us. We talk and laugh long into the night the ocean waves applauding our wisdom.
Then Thursday comes. We realize there are only a few days left. There is this sense to enjoy as much as we can, redeem the time. Now we know that the vacation is coming to an end each moment is more precious. Our conversation on the evening walk along the beach turns to deeper things.
Friday, much the same, but with more intensity.
Saturday, soak up the beauty. Appreciate the simple; soon it will be time to leave the beach. This season is about done.
At different seasons of our life she will periodically smile and say "It is Monday at the beach" or "Tuesday, etc."
With my mother’s passing I am reminded that life is short and wonderful. Jesus redeemed my life. Where would I be today if He had not? Looking around the room at the funeral I was reminded how deeply I love these people. How indeed I have no “story” apart from them.
It’s Thursday at the beach. I am not talking about dying, just the opposite. I need to live and finish well.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
A Tim Tale
My friend Joel ask that I post one of my more humorous adventures so here goes... I originally sent this as an email to some friends.
It seemed like a good idea at the time….
You see I had been hiking at Dan Daniels Park the day before and was very conscious that this was tick season. I checked carefully after my hike and was relieved to find no parasites.
The next morning however, courtesy of my wonderful cat that felt compelled to rub against my shin repeatedly, on taking the boys to the bus stop, I find a tick. No problem I give it a pull, but I won’t budge. Hmm…my mom always said to burn the little suckers so as to get the whole thing out.
I get home and cannot find matches. Then it hits, “ why not freeze it!” So I go downstairs and find my can of compressed air. I give the tick one more pull with tweezers, and it is a no go. Time for operation freeze.
It stung a bit but it not only came off, it SHATTERED. Good deal, although my leg had a significant red spot. No problem I thought.
Until the next morning when the red spot had grown, a knot was forming under the skin, it itched and hurt. That did not seem right. Better not tell Carolyn; she will make me go the doctor. And definitely don’t mention operation freeze…
Until Wednesday when the knot, well…. it burst. And then turned black. Time to tell the wife.
So now it is Thursday and I am at the doctors. The nurse does the prep work, you know fever check, blood pressure etc… Then she asks what happened.
“Well I had a tick and I froze it off with a can of compressed air, and then it turned red and then… Do I have frostbite or bite infection?
She smiled.”Both”
The doctor comes in next. I tell her about the bite and show her the wound.
“How did you get it off? Did you get it all?”
“Yep I froze it with a can of compressed air and it shattered”. I sounded so proud.
She smiled; you know the smile women do when men are being men.
“Freezing. That explains the skin burns. You have a bite infection all right and damaged tissue from the freezing (frostbite). You will need a tetanus shot, it is pretty nasty and antibiotics.”
OK.
As she was leaving I said “I bet you will love telling this to your husband tonight!”
“Oh no. If I did he would try it.”
As she went out the door she turned and with a wry smile said, “Oh and Tim, don’t do this anymore ok?”
“Yes Mam”
Only me! This is almost as good as the time when we found bricks in the woods while playing army.
“Hey guys you know what we can do with these bricks!” But that is another story…
It seemed like a good idea at the time….
You see I had been hiking at Dan Daniels Park the day before and was very conscious that this was tick season. I checked carefully after my hike and was relieved to find no parasites.
The next morning however, courtesy of my wonderful cat that felt compelled to rub against my shin repeatedly, on taking the boys to the bus stop, I find a tick. No problem I give it a pull, but I won’t budge. Hmm…my mom always said to burn the little suckers so as to get the whole thing out.
I get home and cannot find matches. Then it hits, “ why not freeze it!” So I go downstairs and find my can of compressed air. I give the tick one more pull with tweezers, and it is a no go. Time for operation freeze.
It stung a bit but it not only came off, it SHATTERED. Good deal, although my leg had a significant red spot. No problem I thought.
Until the next morning when the red spot had grown, a knot was forming under the skin, it itched and hurt. That did not seem right. Better not tell Carolyn; she will make me go the doctor. And definitely don’t mention operation freeze…
Until Wednesday when the knot, well…. it burst. And then turned black. Time to tell the wife.
So now it is Thursday and I am at the doctors. The nurse does the prep work, you know fever check, blood pressure etc… Then she asks what happened.
“Well I had a tick and I froze it off with a can of compressed air, and then it turned red and then… Do I have frostbite or bite infection?
She smiled.”Both”
The doctor comes in next. I tell her about the bite and show her the wound.
“How did you get it off? Did you get it all?”
“Yep I froze it with a can of compressed air and it shattered”. I sounded so proud.
She smiled; you know the smile women do when men are being men.
“Freezing. That explains the skin burns. You have a bite infection all right and damaged tissue from the freezing (frostbite). You will need a tetanus shot, it is pretty nasty and antibiotics.”
OK.
As she was leaving I said “I bet you will love telling this to your husband tonight!”
“Oh no. If I did he would try it.”
As she went out the door she turned and with a wry smile said, “Oh and Tim, don’t do this anymore ok?”
“Yes Mam”
Only me! This is almost as good as the time when we found bricks in the woods while playing army.
“Hey guys you know what we can do with these bricks!” But that is another story…
Monday, March 21, 2011
To Be Known
Galatians 4:8-9 “Formerly, when you did not know God, you were slaves to those who by nature are not gods. 9 But now that you know God--or rather are known by God--how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable principles? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again? “
“The worst part of it all Tim was that I had to pay a total stranger to listen to my problems!" A friend blurted this out as he explained how difficult it was being away at seminary. There with so many Christians he thought for sure he would find fellowship and kindred spirits. And whereas he did make friends they lacked one essential ingredient. They did not “know” him.
Oh they knew his name, his testimony of how he came to Christ (this is important in seminary because they want to make sure you did it right), they knew his major etc. But when stress led to depression they did not know the signs. They had not lived with him, invested in his life, borne burdens with him, encouraged, loved, rebuked. You get the picture.
So in desperation he paid for counseling to help him work through his depression. It helped some, but he finally stopped out shear frustration. Coming home that fall for Christmas break he poured out his heart to us who knew him. Within a few days the light returned to his eyes. He laughed that old familiar laugh. We prayed and cried and prayed some more. Jesus was with us and as He is prone to do, He began to heal my brother.
To be known is so much more important for emotional and spiritual health than I ever imagined. Last year when I lost my job of 26 years I experienced the pain of not being known. What I called feeling alone was actually the absence of being known. Even now when I am with my former co-workers I come alive. My heart lightens. I can be myself, warts and all. They love me enough to tell me the truth and love me whether I listen or not. With them I am my “best” self. They have a way of bringing out the best in me. And to love them to bear their joys and sorrows I count and honor and privilege.
But to be known requires risk. You have to trust yourself to someone and hold him or her in trust. You have to take and interest in them and they in you. This is more than familiarity; it is community, which is a by-product of shared life journeys. You have to invest not expecting anything in return. The technical definition of this is love.
“The worst part of it all Tim was that I had to pay a total stranger to listen to my problems!" A friend blurted this out as he explained how difficult it was being away at seminary. There with so many Christians he thought for sure he would find fellowship and kindred spirits. And whereas he did make friends they lacked one essential ingredient. They did not “know” him.
Oh they knew his name, his testimony of how he came to Christ (this is important in seminary because they want to make sure you did it right), they knew his major etc. But when stress led to depression they did not know the signs. They had not lived with him, invested in his life, borne burdens with him, encouraged, loved, rebuked. You get the picture.
So in desperation he paid for counseling to help him work through his depression. It helped some, but he finally stopped out shear frustration. Coming home that fall for Christmas break he poured out his heart to us who knew him. Within a few days the light returned to his eyes. He laughed that old familiar laugh. We prayed and cried and prayed some more. Jesus was with us and as He is prone to do, He began to heal my brother.
To be known is so much more important for emotional and spiritual health than I ever imagined. Last year when I lost my job of 26 years I experienced the pain of not being known. What I called feeling alone was actually the absence of being known. Even now when I am with my former co-workers I come alive. My heart lightens. I can be myself, warts and all. They love me enough to tell me the truth and love me whether I listen or not. With them I am my “best” self. They have a way of bringing out the best in me. And to love them to bear their joys and sorrows I count and honor and privilege.
But to be known requires risk. You have to trust yourself to someone and hold him or her in trust. You have to take and interest in them and they in you. This is more than familiarity; it is community, which is a by-product of shared life journeys. You have to invest not expecting anything in return. The technical definition of this is love.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
A Long Drive
Although it was only an hour drive it felt like much longer. I was traveling to comfort a friend but that was not what was making this drive so long. You see someone I love deeply had done something that to me was out of character. I was hurt, disappointed, confused.
“I do not understand my feelings and thoughts Lord. Please Lord meet with me. Give me Your perspective.”
As the miles rolled by and I thought and prayed a question began to form in my heart.
“If the ones you love have to travel a broken road to reach Me and that road does not pass through you, will you be OK with that?”
Mile after mile the question came to me. I am ashamed to say I struggled to answer in the affirmative. The depth of my selfishness surprised and disappointed me. Finally I heard myself say out loud “Lord Jesus as long as they are yours. That is all I really want.”
Then a second question deeper and more unsettling than the first.
“Do you love them for who they are or for who you want them to be?” Odd, even His rebukes are sweet.
“I want to love them like you do Jesus.”
It has been several years now since all this transpired. Those two questions still echo in my heart.
“I do not understand my feelings and thoughts Lord. Please Lord meet with me. Give me Your perspective.”
As the miles rolled by and I thought and prayed a question began to form in my heart.
“If the ones you love have to travel a broken road to reach Me and that road does not pass through you, will you be OK with that?”
Mile after mile the question came to me. I am ashamed to say I struggled to answer in the affirmative. The depth of my selfishness surprised and disappointed me. Finally I heard myself say out loud “Lord Jesus as long as they are yours. That is all I really want.”
Then a second question deeper and more unsettling than the first.
“Do you love them for who they are or for who you want them to be?” Odd, even His rebukes are sweet.
“I want to love them like you do Jesus.”
It has been several years now since all this transpired. Those two questions still echo in my heart.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Alone?
Writing this is blog is always difficult for me. Gathering my thoughts into some kind of coherent form requires discipline and concentration. Lately I have had a lot of thoughts brewing. Rather than wait until I have worked them all out I will write some here. Perhaps you all who read this can benefit from the process.
A lot has happened in the past year. Indeed in the last few years I have experienced the loss of my mother in law. My job of 26 years came to an end. My close friends have lost mothers to death; my mother had to enter a nursing home. I also started a new job with all the adjacent stresses that go with that process. I have had dear friends work through incredibly hard times, as I looked on feeling helpless and alone.
Alone is not in the economy of God. Everything about His dealings with man through the ages speaks of His close involvement with us. He creates Adam with a need for companionship and then meets that need. He goes looking for Adam and Eve after the fall. He seeks out Abraham, Moses, and Elijah. He calls the elders of Israel to “dine” with Him on the mountain. He calls His greatest gift Emmanuel, God with us. To leave us alone is the antithesis of God's glory that He so longs to reveal to us.
But I oft feel alone. The Scriptures, which He Himself breathed into life, are full of the stories of those who felt alone, abandoned. The Psalms written by the man who God describes as “a man after my own heart’, are replete with questioning cries of ‘where are you?”
Prior to going to the cross Jesus tells the disciples that He will not be alone in His passion and yet from the cross cries “my God, my God, why have you forsaken me”. The Son of Man “felt” alone as the sins of the world clouded His view of the Father. He too felt that sense of aloneness as the sin and shame blinded him to the reality of the Father.
Contrary to popular theology I do not find in Scripture God looking away from the Son as He bore the sins of the world. Instead I see as it say in 2 Corinthians “God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself”. Indeed if the Father abandoned the Son on the cross then Jesus would have lied to the disciples when he said I am not alone but the Father is with me.
So to feel alone is to join that great company of the friends of God who found in the end they were anything but alone. Indeed to be alone can not happen now that I am in Him. He is mine and I am His. As much as I enjoy and like those tangible moments when God reveals His presence I am equally at home with those moments when I do not see Him.
Have you ever noticed that it was in God’s greatest silence at the cross that He was doing His greatest work of love? It is as Jesus is crying out that God cleared the debt of my sin, removed my guilt and shame and tore down all the walls that would keep me from Him. A Father and Son conspired before the foundation of the world to deliver me from aloneness.
I do not say I should enjoy my aloneness, but I do welcome it as an opportunity to bring glory to God. It is entirely likely that it is during those times He is working in me a far greater weight of glory.
Soosh..be still. God is here.
A lot has happened in the past year. Indeed in the last few years I have experienced the loss of my mother in law. My job of 26 years came to an end. My close friends have lost mothers to death; my mother had to enter a nursing home. I also started a new job with all the adjacent stresses that go with that process. I have had dear friends work through incredibly hard times, as I looked on feeling helpless and alone.
Alone is not in the economy of God. Everything about His dealings with man through the ages speaks of His close involvement with us. He creates Adam with a need for companionship and then meets that need. He goes looking for Adam and Eve after the fall. He seeks out Abraham, Moses, and Elijah. He calls the elders of Israel to “dine” with Him on the mountain. He calls His greatest gift Emmanuel, God with us. To leave us alone is the antithesis of God's glory that He so longs to reveal to us.
But I oft feel alone. The Scriptures, which He Himself breathed into life, are full of the stories of those who felt alone, abandoned. The Psalms written by the man who God describes as “a man after my own heart’, are replete with questioning cries of ‘where are you?”
Prior to going to the cross Jesus tells the disciples that He will not be alone in His passion and yet from the cross cries “my God, my God, why have you forsaken me”. The Son of Man “felt” alone as the sins of the world clouded His view of the Father. He too felt that sense of aloneness as the sin and shame blinded him to the reality of the Father.
Contrary to popular theology I do not find in Scripture God looking away from the Son as He bore the sins of the world. Instead I see as it say in 2 Corinthians “God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself”. Indeed if the Father abandoned the Son on the cross then Jesus would have lied to the disciples when he said I am not alone but the Father is with me.
So to feel alone is to join that great company of the friends of God who found in the end they were anything but alone. Indeed to be alone can not happen now that I am in Him. He is mine and I am His. As much as I enjoy and like those tangible moments when God reveals His presence I am equally at home with those moments when I do not see Him.
Have you ever noticed that it was in God’s greatest silence at the cross that He was doing His greatest work of love? It is as Jesus is crying out that God cleared the debt of my sin, removed my guilt and shame and tore down all the walls that would keep me from Him. A Father and Son conspired before the foundation of the world to deliver me from aloneness.
I do not say I should enjoy my aloneness, but I do welcome it as an opportunity to bring glory to God. It is entirely likely that it is during those times He is working in me a far greater weight of glory.
Soosh..be still. God is here.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Ancient Paths Volume Two
Well here is Volume 2 of my list. There are so many that I have read over the years that have blessed me and that God has used. This list is not exhaustive but merely reflects those that have had the most profound impact on me. Most of these I have read many times. My goal with this present project is cover ground that I my have forgotten.
Some have ask me would I consider doing a similar list for movies and songs. I will if enough people are interested but it may be awhile since I feel I need to cover some other things in my next few blogs.
So here is the list. Please leave comments here on the blog or by facebook or email. Thank all of you who have commented it has been very encouraging.
Let Us Praise- Judson Cornwall. Reminded me that when it is all said and done I was made to worship and to do so makes us aware of the presence of God.
Messy Spirituality and Dangerous Wonder- Mike Yaconelli. The day Mike died I sat in my chair and cried this heaving aching crying. I ask the Lord why it hurt so badly. What came to mind was “there are so few who shine the love of Christ this brightly”. Amen
Ragamuffin Gospel- Brennan Manning. OMG literally. The cross never looked so beautiful.
Daring to Draw Near-John White. God used this book to help me see prayer as a two-way conversation.
Intimate Intercession-Trica Rhodes. Good books on prayer make you want to put it down and start praying. I almost never finished this book.
God Moment Principle- Alan Wright. Alan Wright is one of those treasures so few know about. Deep water and well worth the swim.
Work of Heart and The Present Future- Reggie McNeal. Work of Heart is the single best book I have ever read on how God shapes us.
How We Grow- Townsend and Cloud- in my 30+ years of following Christ, this is the best book I have ever read on spiritual growth.
Divine Conspiracy; Hearing God; and Spirit of the Disciplines. -Dallas Willard. The Divine Conspiracy – Richard Foster describes it as the book he had been waiting for all his life, I agree. Awesome. I read this for the first time as I was also reading the Sacred Romance for the first time. Together they were like a glass of cold water after a day working in the yard. My heart said “at last someone is saying what I have been thinking and feeling.”
Dangerous Duty of Delight- John Piper. This is a way scaled down version of Desiring God. This little book captures the heart of the larger work. Joy is my birthright in Christ but I have to fight for it. Thank God for John Piper.
So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore- Wayne Jacobson and Dave Coleman. - Man this little parable God used to set me free from the tyranny thinking religiously about church.
Pursuit of God- A.W. Tozer. What can I say. If you have read this you know. This should be required reading for all believers.
Religious Affections and Freedom of the Will-Jonathan Edwards. Edwards’ clarity of thought and sound Biblical wisdom captured my heart early in my walk with Christ. Indeed if I were forced to reduce my list of favorite authors down to 3 or 4, Edwards would be on the list.
Institutes of the Christian Religion- John Calvin. Again his clarity of thought, even when I disagreed with him helped me to root my theology in Scripture.
He Loves Me-Wayne Jacobson. What I call the other side of the cross. The cross not as just punish for sin. The cross as the cure for sin. God used this book to remind me that God did not need the cross to love me, I needed it to love Him. The sacrifice was all His.
Some have ask me would I consider doing a similar list for movies and songs. I will if enough people are interested but it may be awhile since I feel I need to cover some other things in my next few blogs.
So here is the list. Please leave comments here on the blog or by facebook or email. Thank all of you who have commented it has been very encouraging.
Let Us Praise- Judson Cornwall. Reminded me that when it is all said and done I was made to worship and to do so makes us aware of the presence of God.
Messy Spirituality and Dangerous Wonder- Mike Yaconelli. The day Mike died I sat in my chair and cried this heaving aching crying. I ask the Lord why it hurt so badly. What came to mind was “there are so few who shine the love of Christ this brightly”. Amen
Ragamuffin Gospel- Brennan Manning. OMG literally. The cross never looked so beautiful.
Daring to Draw Near-John White. God used this book to help me see prayer as a two-way conversation.
Intimate Intercession-Trica Rhodes. Good books on prayer make you want to put it down and start praying. I almost never finished this book.
God Moment Principle- Alan Wright. Alan Wright is one of those treasures so few know about. Deep water and well worth the swim.
Work of Heart and The Present Future- Reggie McNeal. Work of Heart is the single best book I have ever read on how God shapes us.
How We Grow- Townsend and Cloud- in my 30+ years of following Christ, this is the best book I have ever read on spiritual growth.
Divine Conspiracy; Hearing God; and Spirit of the Disciplines. -Dallas Willard. The Divine Conspiracy – Richard Foster describes it as the book he had been waiting for all his life, I agree. Awesome. I read this for the first time as I was also reading the Sacred Romance for the first time. Together they were like a glass of cold water after a day working in the yard. My heart said “at last someone is saying what I have been thinking and feeling.”
Dangerous Duty of Delight- John Piper. This is a way scaled down version of Desiring God. This little book captures the heart of the larger work. Joy is my birthright in Christ but I have to fight for it. Thank God for John Piper.
So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore- Wayne Jacobson and Dave Coleman. - Man this little parable God used to set me free from the tyranny thinking religiously about church.
Pursuit of God- A.W. Tozer. What can I say. If you have read this you know. This should be required reading for all believers.
Religious Affections and Freedom of the Will-Jonathan Edwards. Edwards’ clarity of thought and sound Biblical wisdom captured my heart early in my walk with Christ. Indeed if I were forced to reduce my list of favorite authors down to 3 or 4, Edwards would be on the list.
Institutes of the Christian Religion- John Calvin. Again his clarity of thought, even when I disagreed with him helped me to root my theology in Scripture.
He Loves Me-Wayne Jacobson. What I call the other side of the cross. The cross not as just punish for sin. The cross as the cure for sin. God used this book to remind me that God did not need the cross to love me, I needed it to love Him. The sacrifice was all His.
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