He Restoreth My Soul

This past Monday I went to Damascus , Va and rode the Virgina Creeper Trail with my friend Lonnie. (Sorry Keith and Melissa I will visit you guys next time). The trail follows an old railroad track down from White Top Mountain station to the town of Abington. It is 34 miles total. Lonnie and I only did about half.

The trip had been on my mind for several weeks before my vacation. I was not sure I wanted to drive the 3 1/2 hours to get there. As it turned out Lonnie actually visited Danville the week before my vacation. When I told him what I was considering he was very excited. It was then I began to see this as a God thing. Maybe God was telling me I needed to go.

So on Oct 18th leaving before sunrise I set out for Damascus. I drove in silence, no radio just prayers and thoughts. As I reached the mountains the morning sun begin to crest over the tops of the trees. There was a heavy frost that morning. As the light of sun hit the frost and the golds, yellows, reds and greens of the mountains...oh my. Joy stirred deep in me.

Finally turning off the interstate I took highway 91 into Damascus. It is about 12 miles through winding farm country. I rolled down my window and let the cool mountain air fill the car. I broke the silence and listened to a podcast I had on the mercy of God. For fans of Lord of the Rings I felt I was in the Shire.

The rich colors and smells. The farms and babbling brooks on every side. So much beauty.

Though it only took the Bike Station shuttle 20 minutes to take our group to the top it took 3 hours to come back. Lonnie and I stopped a lot! The views were spectacular. The conversation even better.

Lonnie said " I prayed all the way here today". "Me too". He smiled that knowing smile that God was up to something. We spoke of old friends and hopes and struggles. We spoke of Gods faithfulness even though we often did not feel worth His effort.

All around creation proclaimed His glory. Slowly our conversation turned to Gods goodness. We spoke of hope and wonder. We soaked up the beauty around us.

Finally it was time to return home. I traveled back down hwy 91 with the afternoon sun bathing the farms in bright warm hues. I drove slowly, silently. As I reflected on the day tears formed. For the first time in a long time I shed tears of joy. I whispered my thank you Jesus. A school bus stopped to let out some elementary school kids. They were laughing as kids do. Dressed for the fall coolness in bright jackets and parkas. "Thank you Jesus". How like a child I felt at that moment.

I drove home in silence. Something happened on this trip. There was no revelations, no profound insights. But in the quiet and the beauty He restored my soul.

Homecoming

My brother and friend Mike Walthall went to be with the Lord Jesus yesterday. His wife wrote of how 27 friends and family gathered in his room and prayed and sang and talked with Mike even though he was unresponsive. Debbie wrote of the joy of the Lord filling the room. A fitting send off for a mighty warrior of Christ. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Today

Today I am not doing that well. Trying to make plans for my mother going to a nursing home has left me discouraged. I am not trusting God but fretting. Why would anyone believe anything I say about Jesus when I am having so much trouble trusting Him with my everyday life?

My son has no interest in school and seems uninterested in spiritual things. I feel like a failure personalizing what is most likely a growing phase for him.

I look at me a see a perfectionist of sorts. I have come to see I am critical of others and myself but not in good ways. Rather than grasping that the process of being conformed to Christ is a process God enjoys, I grow impatient demanding change yet not knowing how to change. Indeed I realize I do not need change, I need transformation. For example I do not need weak legs restored so I can run faster, I need wings to do something I have never done...fly.

There is a whispering comfort of hope here. He chose me. Jesus knowing full well what He was getting, chose me. He chose to stay in the garden and wrestle with His Father rather than give up. He trusted God where I could not. And God in Christ chose me.

He is conforming me into His image. It is for his joy and glory He does this so I can reflect His glory and enjoy Him to the fullest. He does not endure me, if I read Scripture right, He enjoys me.

So today I call out to Him. Today I confess that I should be trusting His good heart but instead I am anxiously looking around me rather to Him. I can not imagine how things will go and grow anxious. He is working all things for my good and adoring me, wanting me to know Him deeply and genuinely. He is winning and wooing the trust I owe by virtue of His very being.

Today...is a day He has made and will try to rejoice in it. Tomorrow? Today for now is enough.

Longing....

I have two friends with cancer. For both right now it does not look so good. One in particular recently remarried only to face what seems endless hospital visits and treatments.

Recently a friend called to say that life had lost its "taste" for him. This is someone who is in every area of his life successful. I often have envied him. But his statement I echoed. I too feel that not much brings joy.

My mom is 88 years old and her health lately has declined. She has always been strong even with crippling arthritis. Though I am an only child, she has raised many sons, some of whom no doubt read this blog. She is in my estimation a great woman.

My wife recently ask me which was more difficult, to be waiting for your promised land or to have arrived only to realize "now what?"

There is in every heart a deep longing. I have heard it in songs, seen it in art, felt it at graduations, funerals, weddings, and parties. It is the longing for intimacy and companionship that far transcends friends, family or marriage.

Becoming a Christian does not quench this longing, it makes it worse. You see it is the face of God we long for. It is the joy of being enjoyed by Him and enjoying Him. All barriers removed as we behold the unveiled glory of God.

You see the longing is a gift. It keeps you going when you would rather stop. It keeps you focused when you could settle for lesser "lovers". It makes you fight for those you love to see their longing for Him fulfilled. It pushes, prods, encourages, sometimes frustrates, but it always has as its end turning to Jesus to find in Him all our longings realized.

There is one other thing. I am not so sure God does not long as well, for the day when He will make all things new, for the day when with unveiled faces we from the heart cry "Abba".

For Keith and Melissa

I had for the most part given up on blogging. I just did not feel I had anything to say that had not already been said.

But my dear friends Keith and Melissa ask to write, that it indeed helps. So here goes....

I have been praying that Jesus would bring me to that first love state with Him and believe He is indeed answering. The past few months have in some respects been hard. I see the Spirit weaning me from other "lovers". Old habits that were not under Jesus's rule, attitudes and thoughts unbecoming to Jesus.

For example, last year seemed to be about disappointment and how I handle disappointment with people. It was about trusting God to do what only He could do. The question for me last year seemed to be would I trust Him to use whatever broken road necessary to bring those I longed to see in the Kingdom. And in particular if it did not involve me. There is more...Indeed I see this now as a theme of my life. It is and will be a part of the story God tells through me.


This year seems to be about my agenda and God's. About anger and frustration verses peace and acceptance. This is a hard one but much needed. This is I believe at the heart of many of my struggles past and present. It comes down to "do you believe that I love you? That I really love you?"

In the midst of this He is been teaching about the Trinity. He has refreshed and broadened my understanding of the love relationship between the Father, Son, and Spirit. This had been very holy and very wonderful. This has been going on for about 3 years now. It is here that all the other "lessons" are taking on fresh meaning. He works to create in me the kind of intimacy that Jesus enjoys with the Father, and Spirit. The Spirit works to make real in me the resurrection of Jesus and all that the cross reveals about the heart of the Father and the Son. Father works that I know and believe Him to be my Abba, my Daddy.

In some respects this last aspect is too deep for words and too holy to be shared. And it is a revelation far from finished. I do think whatever Christ does it me this growing understanding of the Trinity is and will be a turning point.

One last point... in regards to church do remember the old expression "don't throw the baby out with the bath water?" Well I through the water out and kept the Baby! And man now what!!!!!!!!