Us

I have a propensity to run with an idea before giving it time to take root. The late Dan Dehan once told a group of us that “truth is never yours until the truth is you” or i.e. until our heart is truly transformed by truth it is at best merely a good opinion.

I love to teach and share what I am learning. Whether that is from a genuine desire to help others or merely my ego seeking approval and praise I do not know I simply know that it is me. As with all who teach I run into the danger of being deceived that simply knowing about something and communicating it well means I possess the truth I teach. Not so.

So I ask myself and the Lord what truth has been shown me that I have taught and yet given the least attention to in my own life? The response in my heart was quick, clear and gentle; the meaning and purpose of life comes down to one word, relationships, first with God and then with others.

In the movie “The Family Man” Nicolas Cage is an unfaithful, ungrateful husband that is given a second chance at life. In one very poignant scene his wife played by Tea Leoni tells him of all the things she could have done in life, all the success, power, and comfort, etc that she could have had but as she says “ I chose us”. She “sacrificed” all of that in favor of the relationship.

I am sure I will have more to say on this later hopefully as a result of living it out.

Thursday At The Beach

As many of you know my mother passed away only a couple of weeks ago. The transition is difficult. Having counseled and comforted others through such times I find myself in a “physician heal thyself” situation. As He always does, God has comforted me. Through the encouragement and prayers of family and friends He has showed up. At the funeral it struck me that there was someone from every season of mine life and my mother’s life were present in that room. People that she and I both count as most dear together at one time in one place. Some whom I had not seen in awhile, together now to show their love for my mom our family. I find I am very reflective and introspective. I am 54 years old. I look behind and before me. I long to finish well. I long to love as I am loved. I think I have wasted enough time on my agendas. My wife has this illustration she calls a week at the beach. She says that sometimes our lives are like a week at the beach. Monday is full excitement and fun. Hope fills us; we have a whole week at the beach. We unpack, settle in, go to the beach, and survey the shops and restaurants. Tuesday we explore, play in the water go shopping, take in the scenery. We mark out the things we want to do before we leave. Oh this is heaven. Wednesday is much like Tuesday but now we can revisit the things we missed on Monday and Tuesday. Take our time and linger. We return to those shops that most impressed us. We talk and laugh long into the night the ocean waves applauding our wisdom. Then Thursday comes. We realize there are only a few days left. There is this sense to enjoy as much as we can, redeem the time. Now we know that the vacation is coming to an end each moment is more precious. Our conversation on the evening walk along the beach turns to deeper things. Friday, much the same, but with more intensity. Saturday, soak up the beauty. Appreciate the simple; soon it will be time to leave the beach. This season is about done. At different seasons of our life she will periodically smile and say "It is Monday at the beach" or "Tuesday, etc." With my mother’s passing I am reminded that life is short and wonderful. Jesus redeemed my life. Where would I be today if He had not? Looking around the room at the funeral I was reminded how deeply I love these people. How indeed I have no “story” apart from them. It’s Thursday at the beach. I am not talking about dying, just the opposite. I need to live and finish well.

A Tim Tale

My friend Joel ask that I post one of my more humorous adventures so here goes... I originally sent this as an email to some friends.

It seemed like a good idea at the time….

You see I had been hiking at Dan Daniels Park the day before and was very conscious that this was tick season. I checked carefully after my hike and was relieved to find no parasites.

The next morning however, courtesy of my wonderful cat that felt compelled to rub against my shin repeatedly, on taking the boys to the bus stop, I find a tick. No problem I give it a pull, but I won’t budge. Hmm…my mom always said to burn the little suckers so as to get the whole thing out.

I get home and cannot find matches. Then it hits, “ why not freeze it!” So I go downstairs and find my can of compressed air. I give the tick one more pull with tweezers, and it is a no go. Time for operation freeze.

It stung a bit but it not only came off, it SHATTERED. Good deal, although my leg had a significant red spot. No problem I thought.

Until the next morning when the red spot had grown, a knot was forming under the skin, it itched and hurt. That did not seem right. Better not tell Carolyn; she will make me go the doctor. And definitely don’t mention operation freeze…

Until Wednesday when the knot, well…. it burst. And then turned black. Time to tell the wife.

So now it is Thursday and I am at the doctors. The nurse does the prep work, you know fever check, blood pressure etc… Then she asks what happened.

“Well I had a tick and I froze it off with a can of compressed air, and then it turned red and then… Do I have frostbite or bite infection?

She smiled.”Both”

The doctor comes in next. I tell her about the bite and show her the wound.

“How did you get it off? Did you get it all?”

“Yep I froze it with a can of compressed air and it shattered”. I sounded so proud.

She smiled; you know the smile women do when men are being men.

“Freezing. That explains the skin burns. You have a bite infection all right and damaged tissue from the freezing (frostbite). You will need a tetanus shot, it is pretty nasty and antibiotics.”

OK.

As she was leaving I said “I bet you will love telling this to your husband tonight!”

“Oh no. If I did he would try it.”

As she went out the door she turned and with a wry smile said, “Oh and Tim, don’t do this anymore ok?”

“Yes Mam”

Only me! This is almost as good as the time when we found bricks in the woods while playing army.

“Hey guys you know what we can do with these bricks!” But that is another story…

To Be Known

Galatians 4:8-9 “Formerly, when you did not know God, you were slaves to those who by nature are not gods. 9 But now that you know God--or rather are known by God--how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable principles? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again? “


“The worst part of it all Tim was that I had to pay a total stranger to listen to my problems!" A friend blurted this out as he explained how difficult it was being away at seminary. There with so many Christians he thought for sure he would find fellowship and kindred spirits. And whereas he did make friends they lacked one essential ingredient. They did not “know” him.

Oh they knew his name, his testimony of how he came to Christ (this is important in seminary because they want to make sure you did it right), they knew his major etc. But when stress led to depression they did not know the signs. They had not lived with him, invested in his life, borne burdens with him, encouraged, loved, rebuked. You get the picture.

So in desperation he paid for counseling to help him work through his depression. It helped some, but he finally stopped out shear frustration. Coming home that fall for Christmas break he poured out his heart to us who knew him. Within a few days the light returned to his eyes. He laughed that old familiar laugh. We prayed and cried and prayed some more. Jesus was with us and as He is prone to do, He began to heal my brother.

To be known is so much more important for emotional and spiritual health than I ever imagined. Last year when I lost my job of 26 years I experienced the pain of not being known. What I called feeling alone was actually the absence of being known. Even now when I am with my former co-workers I come alive. My heart lightens. I can be myself, warts and all. They love me enough to tell me the truth and love me whether I listen or not. With them I am my “best” self. They have a way of bringing out the best in me. And to love them to bear their joys and sorrows I count and honor and privilege.

But to be known requires risk. You have to trust yourself to someone and hold him or her in trust. You have to take and interest in them and they in you. This is more than familiarity; it is community, which is a by-product of shared life journeys. You have to invest not expecting anything in return. The technical definition of this is love.

A Long Drive

Although it was only an hour drive it felt like much longer. I was traveling to comfort a friend but that was not what was making this drive so long. You see someone I love deeply had done something that to me was out of character. I was hurt, disappointed, confused.

“I do not understand my feelings and thoughts Lord. Please Lord meet with me. Give me Your perspective.”

As the miles rolled by and I thought and prayed a question began to form in my heart.

“If the ones you love have to travel a broken road to reach Me and that road does not pass through you, will you be OK with that?”

Mile after mile the question came to me. I am ashamed to say I struggled to answer in the affirmative. The depth of my selfishness surprised and disappointed me. Finally I heard myself say out loud “Lord Jesus as long as they are yours. That is all I really want.”

Then a second question deeper and more unsettling than the first.

“Do you love them for who they are or for who you want them to be?” Odd, even His rebukes are sweet.

“I want to love them like you do Jesus.”

It has been several years now since all this transpired. Those two questions still echo in my heart.