Today

Today I am not doing that well. Trying to make plans for my mother going to a nursing home has left me discouraged. I am not trusting God but fretting. Why would anyone believe anything I say about Jesus when I am having so much trouble trusting Him with my everyday life?

My son has no interest in school and seems uninterested in spiritual things. I feel like a failure personalizing what is most likely a growing phase for him.

I look at me a see a perfectionist of sorts. I have come to see I am critical of others and myself but not in good ways. Rather than grasping that the process of being conformed to Christ is a process God enjoys, I grow impatient demanding change yet not knowing how to change. Indeed I realize I do not need change, I need transformation. For example I do not need weak legs restored so I can run faster, I need wings to do something I have never done...fly.

There is a whispering comfort of hope here. He chose me. Jesus knowing full well what He was getting, chose me. He chose to stay in the garden and wrestle with His Father rather than give up. He trusted God where I could not. And God in Christ chose me.

He is conforming me into His image. It is for his joy and glory He does this so I can reflect His glory and enjoy Him to the fullest. He does not endure me, if I read Scripture right, He enjoys me.

So today I call out to Him. Today I confess that I should be trusting His good heart but instead I am anxiously looking around me rather to Him. I can not imagine how things will go and grow anxious. He is working all things for my good and adoring me, wanting me to know Him deeply and genuinely. He is winning and wooing the trust I owe by virtue of His very being.

Today...is a day He has made and will try to rejoice in it. Tomorrow? Today for now is enough.