Although it was only an hour drive it felt like much longer. I was traveling to comfort a friend but that was not what was making this drive so long. You see someone I love deeply had done something that to me was out of character. I was hurt, disappointed, confused.
“I do not understand my feelings and thoughts Lord. Please Lord meet with me. Give me Your perspective.”
As the miles rolled by and I thought and prayed a question began to form in my heart.
“If the ones you love have to travel a broken road to reach Me and that road does not pass through you, will you be OK with that?”
Mile after mile the question came to me. I am ashamed to say I struggled to answer in the affirmative. The depth of my selfishness surprised and disappointed me. Finally I heard myself say out loud “Lord Jesus as long as they are yours. That is all I really want.”
Then a second question deeper and more unsettling than the first.
“Do you love them for who they are or for who you want them to be?” Odd, even His rebukes are sweet.
“I want to love them like you do Jesus.”
It has been several years now since all this transpired. Those two questions still echo in my heart.
About Me
- Tim Rogers
- I am a Christian man in his 50's. I am a bivocational pastor which means I work a real job in addition to helping out at a church. One of my passions is to see God's people living out a living relationship with Christ.
1 comments:
Tim,
Once again you have tapped into my heart with your words. Oh, how I relate to the phrase, "The depth of my selfishness surprised and disappointed me", as I have often found myself surprised (I shouldn't be), and disappointed with my own understanding and grasp of HIM.
One other question that I have pondered lately (I'm working on a future post on this one) is, "Am I willing to follow God if it means my own demise?" Sometimes I think I follow only to find the temporary, temporal treasure...and it doing so, I overlook the thing He most wants me to get: Himself! You know, that Journey over Destination thing. It is along the difficulty in my journeying that I find HIM...then the destination of my intention seems to pale in comparison to what I have found along the way!
It is like that Rich Mullins' song that says, "I'd rather fight You for what I don't really want, than to take what you give that I need."
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